I have had the privilege of being a part of the virtual twin community aka tribe for some time now. After having my first daughter one thing I realized is how friends become acquaintances very quickly. Though we were never extremely strict on scheduling, we could no longer just pop out to a bar to meet friends for drinks. This now required us to first find a baby sitter and if we were successful it was followed by breastfeeding and then pumping. Don’t forget making sure the sitter has baby wipes, diapers, diaper cream, thermometer, extra clothes, emergency phone list, both phones charged for while we were out. This was just to leave for 2-3 hours. Oh and worst of all? Let’s not forget the showering and attempting to find one outfit you feel happy in!
What happens? You tend to say no a lot. It’s a lot of work even when you are lucky enough to find that almost perfect human that you will allow to care for the tiny person you spent countless hours preparing for and created! It’s just so much easier to enjoy a glass of wine or beer sitting on your couch in your leggings and nursing tank. The unfortunate result when you say no enough? people stop asking.
You begin to feel a disconnect to those that are non-procreators. They could care less about the type of smile she has and the 7000 photos you have taken of that smile. Just as you have very little interest in the 7 shots and 4 beers that got them totally waisted the night before. Life has shifted.
So where do you go to have interaction other than your amazing tiny human, husband and USPS person delivering your Amazon packages? Social media. The Mommy groups. As many moms are supportive others are like dealing with a group of mean girls….just with babies. An outsider wouldn’t believe the rules that some have…..and for good reason. Finding a good virtual mom group is hard. So hard! I didn’t find a great one until after having my twins. At this point the only way I would see a friend is through an accidental facetime by my toddler daughter.
I stubbled on a group of twin moms. I expected the same craziness, judgement, and figured it wouldn’t take long until I left that one too. I was sooo wrong. This group of women was amazing! They were beyond supportive from every aspect. From Moms needing advice on how to breastfeed both babies or wanting support on switching to formula. Need to not feel guilty you are wearing the same clothes for three days? No judgement, but lots of “hey me too”. Why was this group soooo different than the other groups? Common denominator? They all have twins.
As a twin mom you have entered into a small club that only a handful of women will ever be in. You got to experience bringing more than one human into the world at the same time! You get to struggle over how to feed, bathe, change TWO newborns all while doing the other million things you need to do as mother.
Twin moms are survivalists. They have to overcome challenges. Ever tried going to grocery store with TWO infants? How about checkups? How do you comfort TWO crying babies from vaccines? Not an easy task at all. And the list goes on. No this amazing group doesn’t have all the answers, but what they do have….SUPPORT!
There will come a time for me to have friends that I can meet for a cup of coffee or enjoy a few hours at the spa. But right now? My three kiddos, my husband and our business keep us busy…..and it’s wonderful! And that one time you actually have plans with a live human you call your best friend? Well life will give you an awful cold forcing you to cancel.
Cheers to my virtual twin Mom tribe. You are the best!